Holiday Woes

December 10, 2008 at 11:10 am 1 comment

I love this time of year. I always have. I love the fact that it gets dark earlier. I love the way that the tail lights of cars always look like Christmas lights when I’m driving at night. I like holiday music (for the most part). I like the memories of Christmases past that this time of year inevitably brings. I like putting up the tree. I like baking cookies (it’s really the only time of year that I really bake). I truly truly love the holidays.

This year, however, is a bit different. Hubby was laid off in early November for the second time since 2002. This time it doesn’t look like he’ll be getting another job in his field without an act of God. Hopefully soon though he’ll at least have a job. The economy is a mess. Every time I turn on the tv or the radio I’m reminded of how bad the economy is. In November over 500,000 people lost their jobs. That’s an amazing, albeit horrifying, number. The school that I work at is having concerns because there’s some talk that student loans may be cut or completely eliminated for private, for-profit schools. That’s what we are… so how are kids going to have the money to go to school, especially when their parents are losing, or have already lost, their jobs?

We have a big audit at work coming up in January. Right around my birthday. It’s a big, big deal and I’m worried because I’m reasonably new to my job (about 1 year) and I really don’t know if I’m actually doing stuff okay. Finding out this way is a bad wake-up call. Everyone at work is reminding me on a pretty much minute-by-minute basis just how big of a deal this is — so if I wasn’t stressed out before, I certainly am now. Hell, last night I DREAMED of work. That’s never a good thing. And the dream I had — definitely a bad one.

Then today a very good friend of mine told me that his strange symptoms — that we all thought were just weird oddities befitting my strange, funny, wonderful friend — are actually cancer. Cancer. I wasn’t prepared for that, and I certainly know my friend and his family weren’t prepared for it either. I’m worried. About him and what kind of cancer (treatable? surgery? what?) and how he and his family are going to handle this. How can I be a better friend when I’m already so wrapped up in my own life that sometimes I can’t see straight?

Therein lies the problem… I’m so wrapped up in myself that sometimes I can’t see beyond my own eyelids. How can I be worried about something as trivial as whether I can afford to buy so-and-so a gift this year when my friend just was told he has cancer? This holiday season is quite possibly the most stressful, non-happy holiday I think I can ever remember. I just wish I could do something that would help to bring the Christmas spirit back to us all. I wish there was something I could do to make it better. Perhaps I’ll find a star in the north one of these nights. A miracle right about now would be much appreciated.


Entry filed under: Me.

Holiday Music Cactus Bakery, or something like that…

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. +kelly  |  December 18, 2008 at 12:09 pm

    I think it’s ok to ask your superior or boss about your performance. Ask if he/she will be able to give you a private assessment about your job performance. Not only will you come across as thoughtful and responsible, it gives the signal that you’re looking UP to him/her.

    The best thing you can ever give you friend is real solid information to help him fight cancer. It’s the thought that counts. Good luck – oh and I love your blog, and I love to cook and used to bake (we don’t have oven at home!!)


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